Church is hard.

This year, or this month, or, more likely, this very day, we have failed to practise ourselves the kind of behaviour we expect from other people.

C.S. LEWIS.

I don't know about anyone else but I find Church to be really hard sometimes. I guess the biggest problem for me is that we are all a bunch of sinners just thrown together almost and trying to worship God together. On the one hand I find that it is quite easy to fit in. I have read the Bible and by the blessing of God understand a fair bit of it. After a while you become expert in the Christian language and can say all the right things at the right time. The problem is with that is that you can hide behind it and pretend to be something you are not. You see a part of me really wants to be seen to be Holy. I can present a good image when I really try to.

The problem with that is that it almost seems like I am putting on a mask and playing a role. In my private life I am not anywhere near as Holy as I would like to think I am. If you do not believe this just ask my Wife. It is only possible to be so Holy at Church. Living it 24 hours a day is much harder especially with four children. The Bible would make it clear what I am. A hypocrite.

But that is what I find most difficult about church. I am a normal human being. In this I am not trying to belittle my sin bit just stating that I think we all struggle to be completely open and honest about who we are. I believe we deceive ourselves and often cut ourselves more slack than we do other people. I believe that often when we see others sinning it is really hard not to be slightly on our high horse and say " I can't believe they did that!" The truth is though that we are all sinners that are saved by Grace. What I do not understand in my life is why I am trying to make myself Holy, The only way I am Holy is by accepting Gods free gift. You know the one I mean. That Christ died so that I could be clothed in his Holiness and Righteousness and he would take my sin and disgrace to the cross and take the punishment for my actions.

When I meet up with the sinners that populate my Church( and every other Church for that matter!) I should remember that fact. I am only part of God's army because of what he has done not what I have achieved. Lets be honest if it is about what I have done then I am bound for Hell!